What's Your Dream Job?

Last night I had a dream that I worked at Home Depot.

I was new. I was learning a lot. My boss and the owner of Home Depot (in my dream) was our former Bishop. Weird, I know. It gets weirder.

I walked around Home Depot, putting items back, cleaning up isles and missing Nathan and Marley. When I came down one of the isles a blond woman was holding a belt sander, in the box and she was looking like she wanted to ask me a question, so I asked her if she needed any help. This was our conversation:

Lady: "Yea. The other day a guy said I could get this (holds up the box with the belt sander in it) for 50% off. Can I still get that deal?"

Me: "What was the guy's name?"

Lady: "I didn't get his name."

Me: "You didn't buy it that day at 50% off AND you didn't get the guy's name?"

Lady says sadly: "No, but I could describe him to you?"

Me: "Umm....Ok, I'll see if I can find him."

Lady: "Brown hair, about 6'4" and really big muscles."

Me: "Ok, I'll be back."

Then I proceeded to rush around Home Depot asking my colleges about this "promised deal" and seeing if any of them size up (big muscles). Never found the guy but another guy tells me that the belt sanders aren't 50% off, but the belts are! So, I go back to the lady and I pull a box of belts off the shelf and sure enough there is a red 50% off tag on the box of belts.

Me: "Well, maybe the guy was confused because the belt sander is not on sale but the belts are."

Lady: "Oh! I thought this was a box of belts!"

She put the box with the belt sander back on the shelf, took the box of belts from my hands, said thank you and walked away.

I thought that was weird...but, I felt very helpful. (In my dream I was VERY good at my job, which I'm sure I would be in reality too).

Next a foreign lady with a strong accent came up to me with a skill saw. The blade was half the size it should have been and looked like they tried to cut some hot steel. In broken English, this is how our conversation went:

Foreign Lady (FL): "Um, problem with this saw."

Me: "Oh! What was this used on?"

FL: "Wood board. Can I get replacement?"

Me: "Umm...let me find out."

I go to inquire with Bishop Christensen and he says that we can give them a new saw but if they want a different saw, an upgrade, they need to pay the difference. And he said I could throw in an extra blade for free. Basically he was taking them at their word that the saw just astonishingly malfunctioned and ate itself on a wood board. (In reality he is a very generous man, so this was not surprising.)

So, I go to find the lady and while I'm looking, the power goes out. And from my pre-Home Depot dream training I recall that when the power goes off we are to clear the warehouse of customers by kindly asking them to leave. This is confirmed by evacuation chatter on my walkie-talkie. (all Home Depot employees have a walkie-talkie, else why would I dream of working there?)

I ask a few customers to exit as soon as possible and they proceed to the exit. I come around a corner and notice someone is tossing a stack of 5 gallon buckets down the isle towards me. I turn off my flashlight because I don't think they saw me or the light. I realize it's FL!

What is she doing? I realize she is trying to steal the buckets in the dark and that she was probably trying to toss them to an accomplice so I turn to see if anyone is behind me and I see her husband lurking behind some shelving.

I turn my flashlight on and shine it in his eyes and yell like a police officer, "Put your hands up and exit the building immediately!!!" Another stack of 5 gallons buckets are tossed my way. While I keep the light in the man's eyes, in one fluid motion I stop the buckets that are sliding across the floor, with my foot, grab the handle of the top bucket and swing them as hard as I can back in the direction they came from. (I was trying to hit and hurt the lady. I felt threatened!) I hit her!

Right about this time, the big muscle guy the blond described, showed up and helped me with the perps. He said I did the right thing by slinging the buckets back at the lady while blinding the guy with my light. What can I say, I have great instincts.

It was a good dream.

However, even though I dreamed I was working at Home Depot....I still wouldn't consider it my dream job.

In reality, currently have my dream job.