What's good for the mind...

I have always felt less than others when it comes to intelligence. 

In heaven when they told us to get in line for a brain, 

I thought they said train and I asked for a slow one. 

I have just really struggled in school for no apparent reason. 

I really struggled to learn to read.

I continue to struggle with reading comprehension. 

There is nothing that I know of to "diagnose" what is going on besides...

Low Intelligence.

As you can tell I'm NOT the best writer. 

I wasn't even going to mention my SAT and ACT scores! 

I'll just say, I don't like to say them out loud. 

Or even think about them.

I took piano lessons a couple of times and never really could get passed one or two years. 

My mom thinks that it's because I didn't practice enough. 

I think it's because my brain cannot handle so many things at once. 

Notes, names of notes, keys, names of keys, note = key. 

whole note, half note, quarter note, staccato

treble cleft, base cleft, octave, 

stanza!

Then you throw in...

 sharps, flats, rests, tempo, rhythm, dynamics...

my mind wants to explode. 

And really that's just scratching the surface.

Don't get me wrong I love music!

I just feel that it is mentally impossible for me to play an instrument. 

It's the same with math. 

Don't love it. 

Hardly ever understand it.

Not good at it. 

I get by. 

Same with cooking.

Reading recipes takes reading comprehension.

I just barely...okay, like once I went to college, which seems like just yesterday but was actually almost 20 years ago...I just barely learned all the measuring cup measurements. Those fractions are hard. Don't even start throwing decimals at me.  

You say...

"But...but...You got into a major University!"

(on my third try! and maybe only because I had some strings pulled for me!)

"And!

You graduated!!!"

I had to work SO much harder than anyone else!

I saw it!

I felt it!

With all that said, I've come a long way. 

I think I've gotten this far in life, (which lets be honest, isn't THAT far) from sheer hard work and determination. 

Lately, I've felt my determination wain and hard work becoming harder. 

Last September I started feeling major pain in my hands, wrists and feet. Soon, I was feeling pain in all my joints. I thought it was cleaning the Airbnb too much. I thought it was from stress. I thought it was from the way I was sleeping. I thought... I thought... I thought....

After several visits to the doctor and trying several different things to alleviate the pain, I was sent to a Rheumatologist and on January 4th I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.

In those 4-5 months of pain I went a little crazy, literally.

I've always been pretty positive but I think I've become more cynical and more self conscience. 

This quote I found while I was in high school has really helped me a number of times in my life.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I have believed that since I read it!

Until recently.  

I hesitate to even post this. 

It all seems so "Debbie Downer."

Waaah wuuuuuh.

Maybe I don't need to for anyone else besides myself. 

Let's be honest, nobody is reading this anymore.

The point is...

I'm trying to learn to be gentle with myself.

If I don't have what I've always viewed as hard work (a strong body)...

and I've never felt very intelligent...

then what do I have? 

Where did 2017 go!?!?

I CAN NOT believe it has been over a YEAR since I last posted!

In a few more months it would have been 2 YEARS!!! 

WHAT!?!? 

I didn't post ANYTHING in 2017!?!?!

It was such a signification year! 

It was a busy year!

One of the hardest of my life!

It flew by!

After 11 years of marriage we FINALLY bought a house!

We have a solid marriage but I would say anytime we are making a major purchase we struggle. 

Buying a house is a MAJOR purchase so that was pretty hard on our marriage. 

We survived and our marriage survived. 

So, that's great!

But, it was HARD!!!

My dad passed away suddenly.

Maybe I'll write about that someday. 

I'm sure I will. 

But, not today. 

Not today.

For most of 2017 I had 4, small but significant, paying jobs. 

I say "paying jobs" because I'm also a wife and a mom and those are big jobs in and of themselves!

I work in the childcare at our city Rec Center. 

I usually work there Tuesday and Thursday mornings. 

It's a nice gig because I can take my two little ones with me.

Right now, Lorenzo goes to the preschool there on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

So, he comes to the childcare with me and plays from 8:30 to 9:30. 

Then at 9:30 he crosses the hall and goes to preschool until I get off at 11:30.

Perfect! 

I work at Costco on Saturdays, for the optometrist. 

Sadly, that job will be ending for me, soon.

When I'm done working there it will have been a year and a half!

Though the doctor and ladies I work with are so nice and the job is fulfilling, it's been hard to work on Saturdays. 

Most of the family is gone most of the week, then I leave on Saturdays when they are all home. 

It's hard. 

I'm so glad I was able to do it as long as I did. 

The income has been a huge blessing. 

But, working every Saturday, all the time, is too hard for too long.  

I worked cleaning an Airbnb house. 

It's my friends house. 

They were on a temporary duty assignment in DC but they're back, so that job ended. 

They have a nice big 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom house. 

It was hard! 

I don't think I could have kept it up too much longer anyway!

But, it was a unique and enjoyable experience. 

I started working for Revv an online transcription company. 

I transcribe audio files.
It's interesting. 

It's not super hard, as long as the audio is clear.

It is kind of time consuming.

Those four jobs kept me SO busy. 

And working so hard. 

I like to work hard but it took a toll on me.

If I can avoid it, I think I will try really hard to never juggle 4 jobs again. 

I'm almost down to 2 jobs and I think that will be perfect for me. 

I am always applying for full time work at my kid's school so I can be where they are, have pretty dang close to the same hours as them, and have the same days and summers off! 

Ideal right? 

Someday!

Random info...

We are only having 3 kids, for quite a few reasons.

Maybe someday I'll write about that...

But, really only 3 unless God seriously intervenes.

Marley will be 10 next month!

She is changing so much!

I love the stages my kids are in while they are in them...

then they get bigger and move to the next stage and I'm in love again.

I am enjoying Isi and Lorenzo more with less jobs. 

They are still little...but not for long.

Isi is in half-day kindergarten and will be 6 next month! 

Lorenzo will be 4 in May!

He only has a year left before he starts kinder, and he will probably go to full day!

One more significant milestone from 2017...

Goldie hit 100,000 miles. 

Now she's closer to 112,000. 

Crazy right?!?

Thanks for keeping my blog on your radar...

I hope someone is....

More to come.

More regularly.