Our whole lives change.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
When we move...
Whenever we move I feel like I have to find myself all over again. Does that sound weird? It's not that I don't know who I am. There are some constants here...
I know I am a child of God and that he loves me. And knowing that, I know that I am never alone.
I know I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For THAT I am so grateful. I wholeheartedly believe it to be the restored Church of Jesus Christ, with a living Prophet. I love that the curriculum and structure and organization is exactly the same throughout the whole world (which is such a comfort). It also has the most amazing members who welcome everyone with open arms. At least that has always been our experience. The church is an instant social network. A network of assistance and support if you need it. Such a comfort and a help.
I know I am the wife and eternal companion to Nathan, and the mother of Marley. For that, I am also SO grateful. Nathan is such a supportive husband. He doesn't always understand the feelings I have but he always listens and he helps me so much. And Marley is a little gift of happiness and humor. She is always making me smile and most often laugh.
I know I am the daughter of Bruce & Sandy.
And the sister of Liz, Julie and Peter.
I am always grateful for their love and support no matter where I am.
None of those things change. And none are forgotten.
But the proximity to extended family changes. First it was Nebraska...now even farther, Michigan. I have never been SO attached to my family that I have had a hard time being away from them...of course, I am attached and have missed them, but nothing so serious like homesickness and having to return earlier than scheduled.
Though, as I get older and the length of time away and distance seem to get longer and larger...it's hard! And as our family grows, I do wish to be closer to Marley's aunts and uncles and cousins and especially Grandparents.
Marley's memory is a comfort to me though. She remembers the craziest things and seems to have several memories about each of our extended families. She remembers things that I forget or think that she has for sure forgotten.
Just one example: Sometimes she goes down the stairs on her belly, head first and just yesterday she reminded me that Kelsey taught her that! After she said that, I remembered when Kelsey taught her that, but had forgotten until she mentioned it. This happens all the time with every member of our extended families and Marley's memory. I am so glad that our families are interlaced in her brilliant mind and that she can recall them and remind me.
We started a prenatal class last week and one of the things they taught about was postpartum depression. You have this new baby, it's a happy time. Maybe you already have other children that you love and everything is fine but you just can't feel happy. At least, that is how I understand it.
I feel like I go through a little post-moving depression. Change is fun and exciting! A new job! New surroundings! A new house! A new adventure! But, when the novelty of new wears away it all just feels so different. So foreign (on the boarder of Canada, so French, on the radio). So far away from almost everything familiar.
Our whole lives change.
New schedules and routines.
New grocery stores.
Where will we fit in?
Who will be our friends?
Where is the grocery store?
I have found it takes me about 6 months to feel normal again, like myself, after moving.
October was 6 months and I am feeling good. There are still LOTS of things that are different. Lots of things still to get used to and to adjust to but, I seem to have an understanding of where I "fit" in "this world."
I am finding ways to appreciate this unique experience for our family. Time and organization has made our house become our home. We have comforting routines and schedules. They aren't perfect but they are ours. The best thing is that I feel the spirit in our home. My spirit has settled and is happy and comfortable.
I am starting to see how our family grows and gains needed experience from being totally on our own. Totally relying on each other and the Lord and struggling through hard decisions and situations together.
It also makes me SO very grateful for modern technology that helps in keeping family close even at a great distance. The internet and blogs and telephones and email are so wonderful. We haven't found anyone to try Skype with us yet, but when we do, I think that will be so fun too!
We grew to absolutely love Nebraska. I feel the ties of love sprouting for Michigan. And that makes me so happy! I think it just takes time and patience and faith.